He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
