glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
