9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
