Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
