Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
