The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
