Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
