so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
