OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
