how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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