i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
