i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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