he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
