We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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