I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
