I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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