nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i already hear my dad disowning me
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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