Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
