Barsexuality is the new black.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
