just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
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I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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