drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
