smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Randomize
