What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
