Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.