Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
you had me at cake vodka
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.