This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?