Do vagina's smell?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
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Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
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They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips