3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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