So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.