I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
