Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
