I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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