you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
