btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
