bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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