I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
