the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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