in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Let's paint friendship bongs
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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