did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
