My friends, they love my intelligence
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
