We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize