They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
