Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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