the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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