we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.