i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
