i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal