Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.