I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
