You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
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Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
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Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.