I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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