i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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