I think im going to throw up on grandma
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
