I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
