Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
