So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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