i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
