Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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