My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
