...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i think i have herpe
just one?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Drunk is not a location!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
