It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
is it fun? or sober?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
