Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
what day is it and did you see me today?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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