The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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