I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions