Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
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She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.