I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
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Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
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Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Randomize
