do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants