Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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