so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
