some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
