What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
