Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
