that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
