Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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