did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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