i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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