I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
