fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
third nipple confirmed
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
