You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
