You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
