saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
