can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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